Week 17
CROWN THE KING!
In the name of King Henry, we crown a new King this week, but not before Derrick Henry can push it for 200+ and 4 TDs. Football started on Christmas in Week 17 with the Lions getting eliminated via 3 net passing yards, Bo Nix being afraid of dogs, and the Cowboys doing just enough to keep Jerry alive for another year. The Vikings defense forced six turnovers at the hands of Jared Goff and the Lions, and Brian Flores is destined to be the Cowboys DC next season. Drake Maye, Brock Purdy, and Jaxson Dart all have big games to give their teams wins in Week 17 as Maye gets his first 5 TD game of his career! So who is really the king?
The Patriots clinch the AFC East with Buffalo losing on the 2-pt conversion and the 49ers hold their own fate for the #1 seed in the NFC. Baltimore and Tampa are the only two teams still in the hunt for a playoff spot and it will come down to Week 18 for a miracle spot in the Wild Card. The Panthers take on Tampa in Week 18 for the NFC South title but it doesn’t seem like the rest of the league is taking that game seriously.
Brock Purdy since returning from injury: 1454 yards, 16 passing TDs, 3 rushing TDs, 5 INTs, 70.7% completion rate, 111.5 passer rating. The 49ers are 6-0.
Week 17 BUMMERS
Myles Garrett still needs one more sack with one NFL week remaining, but the Steelers were the ones who put up a stinker without Dekaylin Metcalf.
The Jets are the first team since 1972 to lose by 23 or more points in 4 consecutive weeks. And STILL no INT for the Jets.
See here for the 2025 Least Valuable Player Awards:
Josh Allen - No help.
Snoop Dogg - Pandering.
Chris Collinsworth - Riding Mahomes’ dick.
Andy Reid - Unsure of his coaching future in KC.
Netflix - A complete BUMMER!
Championship Matchup!
I THINK I PULLED MCCAF IS YOUR 2025 DUBTOWN FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!
Congratulations to Chris Lowe on winning the league and we honor you in your profanity filled tirade to the top.
When the pressure was highest, this lineup delivered. No panic starts. No galaxy-brain decisions. Just steady production across the board and a performance worthy of a title. It was Puka Nacua all year long, it was CMC out of the back field with the receptions, it was Chris Olave with no Derek Carr hospital passes, and it was BIG COCK BROCK to seal the deal! No, not that B1G C0*K BROCK…
I Think I Pulled McCaf ended the season with only 5 drafted players on the active roster. The waiver wire whisperer. The FAAB finesser. The free agency fuck boy. Technically, there were 8 drafted players on the team and add 1 for Quinshon Judkins - technically. Nonetheless, the Tuesday morning troll was working the ESPN app to pick up his fallen soldiers while reading his morning Reddit posts on his porcelain throne.
Enjoy the trophy, the bragging rights, and the group chat dominance. You’ve earned every bit of it. PUSSY!
Congratulations to Jordan Reyes on the second place performance and taking Spread Eagles to the Championship game! The run was impressive and Jahmyr Gibbs made it all possible. However, you live by the sword and you die by the sword. Week 17 didn’t produce results for Spread Eagles outside of Josh Allen and Rhamondre Stevenson. The Rome Odunze trade fizzled out, Michael Pittman lost his QB, and Garrett Wilson just never made it back. James Conner, Calvin Ridley, and Travis Hunter - all drafted and onto IR early in the season. All of the injuries and still a 10-4 record and Reyes does it with the third least amount of waiver transactions in the league. That takes guts! And there is no shortage of confidence from this team.
Nothing but respect and admiration for Spread Eagles. Enjoy a cold one and hit ‘em straight while Laron is wearing a skirt and carrying Lowe’s Mizunos.
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Chase Young rips the ball away from Cam Ward and takes it back for a TD! Gets my dick hard!
WHY HE DO THAT OF THE WEEK
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WHY HE DO THAT OF THE WEEK 〰️
Aaron Rodgers forgets that he is a grown man and throws a tantrum! WHY HE DO THAT?!
Year in Review
HOT TAKE OF THE YEAR: “Chris Lowe is a top 3 team in the league!” - Tony Tunzi
FREEZING COLD TAKE OF THE YEAR: “Josh Allen is ass!” - Tony Tunzi
WORST FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK: Brian Thomas Jr. - Ken You Dig It?
BEST DRAFT PICK OF THE YEAR: Jaxson Dart, Round 13 - La Llama Roja
BIGGEST MISS OF THE YEAR: Dropping Jaxson Dart after 4 days - La Llama Roja
WORST DRAFT PICK OF THE YEAR: Joe Mixon, Round 10 - La Llama Roja
CONSPIRACY OF THE YEAR: Who kicked Tony out of the group chat?
WORST RULE CHANGE IDEA OF THE YEAR: Reseeding the playoffs - Greg Kirby
BIGGEST PUSSY OF THE YEAR: Chris Lowe
EDITORS NOTE
Thank you to everyone for listening and reading and interacting and overreacting and debating and trading and arguing and laughing and for playing fantasy football! It all makes life that much more fun and that much less serious. Great season, boys. Here’s to you all!
Peace, KB