Week 16
CHEESE GRATER!
“At the end of the day, it’s FUCK the Packers!” - DJ Moore. His words, not mine. The Bears are the new kids on the block with Caleb Williams throwing a game winning touchdown and he “knew it was good.” Again, his words, not mine. Drake Maye goes well over 300 yards on SNF, Puka Nacua is an absolute menace, and the Jaguars are THE BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE? Trevor Lawrence has 9 TDs in the last two games and Jacksonville has won 6 straight games - the only problem is that Houston has won 7 straight games!
The Seattle Seahawks win a Thursday thriller over the divisional Rams in a comeback bid. It’s all going to come down to which Sam Darnold shows up in the playoffs. Carolina digs a grave for Baker Mayfield and Mike Evans to go one up in the division but they still hold a -50 point differential. A far cry from the NFC West where the 49ers haven’t even punted since November. Jauan Jennings is a hoe and I want that to be known, but he is our hoe, and you can’t have him.
Lots of big big fantasy football points in Week 16. Jalyen Warren is turning in a monster season, Saquon and Derrick Henry both top 100+ yards, and Justin Herbert continues to play hurt in one of his best performances of the season. Shout out Ashton Jeanty for putting up a monster performance despite his team having no motivation, his head coach not remembering where he put his playbook, and his organization worrying more about their stadium than their operations. Keep chuggin’ along big dawg.
Week 16 BUMMERS
Buffalo nearly blows the game to the Browns, but they move to 11-4. Some people are calling them cheeks even though they have the 4th most points for in the league. Detroit is caught in an OPI situation at the end of the game and Dan Campbell thinks that was their last shot. The Chiefs can only muster up 3 field goals against the Titans with Harrison Butker even missing a fourth. Butker may need to learn to cook, clean, and suck dick for his next job after the end of the year.
The Colts are on the verge of becoming the 6th team in the NFL to start 7-1 and miss the playoffs. After Week 8, they had a 98% chance of making the playoffs. Poor Danny Dimes.
Derrick Henry averaged 7.1 YPC on 18 carries with 2 TDs against the Patriots. He didn't see a snap on the Ravens' final two drives of the game with Baltimore having three timeouts. Explain yourself John Harbaugh! Whatever the reason is, it can’t be a worse decision than to keep Aaron Glenn in New York. The Jets are in desperate need for some defense - if only they had a defensive mastermind for a head coach.
Quinshon Judkins - Broken leg and dislocated ankle.
Gardner Minshew - ACL injury.
Lamar Jackson - Back bruise.
DK Metcalf - Sussy.
Jack Campbell - Slower than a 42 year old.
Brian Thomas Jr. - Sophomore slump.
Travis Kelce - Checked out.
Matchup of the Week
HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR! AND DUBTOWN FF HISTORY! Pew, pew, pew! Congrats to Chris Lowe!
Puka Nacua, George Pickens, and Chris Olave were 2nd round, 5th round, and 7th round picks in the Dubtown FF draft, respectively. That’s your #2, #3, and #6 FF WR’s of the year through Week 16! All three WR's are justifiable 1st round FF draft picks, but it was only I Think I Pulled McCaf who got it right this year! Harold Fannin Jr. has three TDs in the last four games and is getting hot at the right time going into the Championship game on top of the 49ers offense putting up BIG points! This is OFFICIALLY a top 3 team in the league. Someone once said that weeks ago, can’t remember who. Quinshon Judkins is lost for the year and TreVeyon Henderson took a nasty concussion that looks like it might hold him out of next week as well. Alvin Kamara is not looking like he is coming back this year, and I Think I Pulled McCaf may need to learn about Rachaad White going into the Championship game! Let’s be real… The RBs aren’t going to matter because this team has…
Giiiiiiiiive me a G! Give me a K! Give me a F! What does that spell?! Kirby is a FRAUD! Oh sorry, I thought this was the A,B,C DEEZ team and Kirby was still at cheerleading practice. Make no mistake, this is the 10-4 B1G C0*K BROCK team and we’re talking about playoff seeds! Speaking of seeds, I still want to know if Kirby every planted a seed on that cruise boat. The world may never know.
In all seriousness, Kirby’s team had a good run and it has been a good run in the Dubtown league for him. Ultimately, it may have been the zero QB approach that held him back in the semis. Bijan and Achane were ballers this year, and Tet McMillan is going to be an early 3rd round pick next year, but sometimes you run into a buzz saw that comes in the form of another Raiders fan. Good on ya, Kirb! Great addition to this league, but you’re no better than the rest of the losers in the league.
Matchup of the Week
Spread the Jaylen Warren wings! 143 and 2 for the Steelers RB, plus the Saints Defense and Eddie Piniero kicking this team into the Championship. Double duty this week for Reyes as the Titans get a win and Spread Eagles push the Tax Man out of the running. AJ Brown has been on a tear ever since telling the public to drop him from their FF teams. Josh Allen is going to need a bounce back week for Week 17 against Philly, but for now he is QB1 on the season and that’s what it takes to get to the Championship game. It’s the New World Order and this team is looking to take over!
The Tax Man rode his RBs all the way to the Semis but they couldn’t muster up enough on the ground in Week 16. Kyle Pitts Sr. scores again, Zay Flowers has a decent week, and Matt Stafford stuffs the sheet with over 30+ FF points. This team can’t point at Stafford this year as he sits at QB2 on the year. Joe Burrow going down in the beginning of the year made things tough on Fortney, and the playoff chances percentage were low to begin, but Stafford, Swift, and Javonte Williams kicked some ass to give The Tax Man some hope. However, this is the New World Order, and you gotta get your money up, playboy!
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Montez Sweat sends Jordan Morgan to the weight room! Gets my dick hard!
WHY HE DO THAT OF THE WEEK
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WHY HE DO THAT OF THE WEEK 〰️
DK Metcalf throws an Anthony Joshua upper cut at a Lions fan! WHY HE DO THAT?!
Overreaction of the Week
The playoff picture is narrowing down. Not much room for overreaction at this point, to be honest. It’s all pointing to whether or not Detroit will get in to the playoffs. The ending of that game was pretty wild, but the NFL is better when Detroit and Dan Campbell are in the playoffs, so I would hope for a push to get them into the playoffs this year. The Colts losing pushed three teams into clinching playoff positions, but it’s still ALL about the NFC seeding with only Philly locked into a division win.
The Ravens, the Bucs, the Bengals, the Chiefs, the Cowboys - tough to see some of these teams not playing well or making it into the playoffs. With no Ravens in the AFC, it has to be the Bills year. They are sitting a healthy Gabe Davis and a healthy Keon Coleman - which, to me, shows that they are not afraid of doing what is right for the team. Move on or move out. The Broncos are the only other team ready for that style and the I don’t give a fuck Sean Payton attitude. I’ve shit on the AFC all year, but I would LOVE to see that AFC championship game (if possible).
Around Dubtown:
Lowe better pray for TreVeyon Henderson to drink some water and magically recover from a concussion, but Reyes already has the backup RB for the Pats. Somehow the injury riddled McCafs are favored by 17 points in the Championship game. I’ll take a 6-point teaser and parlay it with Kirby complaining about being incorrectly seeded, plus my Etienne vs. JSN bet this week for an easy 3-legger and take my money to Hooters where Bowman owes me a cold one.
Good luck to both championship teams this year! Luckily neither will go home empty handed, but only one person can have their name next to the likes of Chris Michels on the Dubtown FF League trophy.