Week 15
DUUUUUUUVAL!
Trevor Lawrence goes absolutely scorched Earth to score 6 TDs improving the Jaguars to 10-4. Travis Etienne Jr. was on the receiving end of three of T-Law’s 5 passing TD’s which is enough for the Jets to fire Steve Wilks! Familiar territory. Phillip Rivers is out of retirement, JJ McCarthy Griddys into the end zone, and Buffalo is coming all the way back from down BIG! It was the week of comebacks in Week 15 but Joe Burrow looks like he will NOT be coming back to Cincy after the year ends.
Aaron Rodgers is 9-6 and they are happy in Pittsburgh! 23 home game winning streak on MNF and back to back wins for DK, Aaron, and the leaders of the AFC North. Not bad for being called out and being made into a Spongebob meme.
Houston continues to roll, LA Rams pick up the slack after half time, and both the Eagles and the 49ers take care of cheap business. NEXT!
Week 14 BUMMERS
Quinshon Judkins is the Rookie of the Year! Wait, no he’s not, he’s a Brown and no one knows what the play call is. The Browns are gonna do Browns things no matter what. Tampa is playing themselves out of the rankings like the Buccaneers of old. No one is playing their way out of the playoffs worse than Indy though, and Philip Rivers is peeing down his leg mainly because he just has a bladder problem now.
Patrick Mahomes - Knee injury. Double knee injury.
Micah Parsons - Knee injury.
Rick Pearsall - Just a stubbed toe.
Raiders - Dog piss, cat piss, plus chicken shit.
Matchup of the Week
I Think I Can, I Think I Can! I Think I Got My Swagga Back! I Think I Pulled McCaf?
When the 49ers are back in play, this FF team EATS! Brock Purdy and Christian McCaffrey pick up the slack for George Pickens in the first round of the FF playoffs. Purdy goes for nearly 300 and 3 on his best game of the year, Puka Nacua continues his dominance with 181 and 2, and Chris Olave has been one of the few bright spots on the year for the Saints. Sleepy Lowe is awake and wants to know “Who’s next?!” The odds of Quinshon Judkins ever seeing the FF starting lineup over TreVeyon Henderson again are slim for the remainder of the season but the coaching decisions should be easy from here on out! This team is riding the Red and Gold to the promise land!
DOWN GOES DAHDI! The odds on favorite to repeat as Champion is wheeling and dealing JSN trades right out of the playoffs. But JSN was unfortunately not the problem this week. Justin Jefferson is struggling under a JJ McCarthy style of play. JJettas didn’t crack double digits in FF points since Week 9 and never surpassed the 20 point mark all year long. Kenny Dub III is seeing a slow reduction in his carries per week and Kyle Monangai was a no-show in Week 15. Back to back championships are a tall task and Swag Dahdi was REELING at the end of the year. Much respect to the Dahdi but he will pass the torch on to a new champion of the Dubtown FF League this year.
Matchup of the Week
The Tax Man is sick and tired of the name game! Call it what you want to call it - Fortney is calling this one a WIN! Kyle Pitts Sr. puts up one of the top TE FF performances EVER, D’Andre Swift scores twice, and Nico Collins put this matchup to bed when Traynor was already tucked in and had his bed time story! Matthew Stafford and Josh Jacobs are going to elevate this team to another tax bracket and maybe some new golf clubs will help take Fortney’s softball swing to a new level. Maserati Marv can sit as long as he needs to in order to keep The Tax Man in the lead. Spread Eagles won’t know which IRS agent hit him next week if Fortney knows anyone shifty business practices.
For Kyren Out Loud. This is the last thing I am writing, because… frankly… I don’t know what to say. So let me ask the question: Do I love this guy or hate this guy? Is he living in my world, or am I living in his world? Saquon Barkley wasn’t THAT bad this year. Pat Mahome was the number 2 FF QB. Kyren Williams was top 10. So what went wrong? This team got an absolute HAPPY BIRTHDAY in Javonte Williams. Maybe it was the choice to play the Cowboys defense in a FF playoff matchup. Call it what you wanna call it, but I think I know what to really say…
GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK
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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️
Kyle Van Noy picks it off and then hands it off and the Ravens get the pick six on Joe Burrow.! Gets my dick hard!
MONSTER OF THE WEEK
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MONSTER OF THE WEEK 〰️
The Dolphins need half the team to take down Darnell Washington. MONSTER!
Overreaction of the Week
The NFC is going to have a 10-win team that doesn’t make the playoffs. That’s sick. Like not sick as fuck, like sick as a dog. You know that the AFC will win the Super Bowl still somehow. I am just happy that the Chiefs are eliminated. And before any of the Raiders fans say that the 49ers should be excited, just imagine if you were a Titans fan and still your team can’t make the playoffs in the AFC. Just sayin’.
Rams clinch a playoff seed and the Broncos clinch a playoff seed in Week 15. Keep my prediction in tact, please.
P.s. Keep on truckin’ Travis Etienne Jr. Looks like I wasn’t THAT wrong. Just a little bit wrong.
Around Dubtown:
How many freezing cold takes does it TAKE for a Raiders fan to shut the front door? Too many. That’s how many. “Bo Nix is ass, the Bengals are going to win this game, Bowman is going to win the FF league.” Just truly incredible stuff out of these guys. And that’s coming from the King of saying shit that I don’t mean. Here’s a hot take - Fernando Mendoza is not cut out for Vegas and not going to take you to the Playoffs. Five more years of bad luck for you all! BOOO HISSSS.
Semifinals:
#5 I Think I Pulled McCaf vs. #1 B1G C0*K BROCK
#6 The Tax Man vs. #2 Spread Eagles
At this point, I don’t think we should ever count out The Tax Man ever again. I already tried to manage his team for him too many times. Other than that, I have no predictions. What do you all think?