Week 2
TOE TO TOE!
Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Brandon Aubrey! The Cowboys vs. the Giants was drama filled and an instant classic on a full slate Sunday morning. Russell Wilson moonballs are so 2025! This game had 3 touchdowns and a field goal in the final 3:30 of the game! Cap it off with a Brandon Aubrey 64-yard field goal to tie the game at the end of regulation and we’ve got an instant classic on our hands.
Joey Burrow is out for 3 months after taking a sack and developing a case of fuckupmyfantasyseason-itis. In 2023, Burrow went down on Week 12, from that point on Ja’Marr Chase’s stats were:
Week 13 (JAX): 12 targets, 11 receptions, 149, 1 TD
Week 14 (IND): 4 targets, 3 receptions, 29 yards, 0 TD
Week 15 (MIN): 4 targets, 4 receptions, 64 yards, 0 TD
Week 16: BYE
Week 17 (KC): 7 targets, 3 recptions, 41 yards, 0 TD
Week 18 (CLE): 6 targets, 4 receptions, 19 yards, 0 TD.
Daniel Jones in his first two games as a Colt is working with a 71.4% completion rate, 588 yards, 5 total TDs, and 0 turnovers for an 111.1 rating. Get your ass out of New York and suddenly you too can become a good quarterback. Danny Dimes turned into Danny Dollas as he challenged Pat Surtain II and took him to the woodshed! The Broncos actually beat the Colts despite Daniels Jones’ big day on a 60 yard field goal that fell short - NO! That’s a penalty flag for leverage and 15 yards to move the Colts into a scoring range that they can send Sean Payton closer to a heart attack. You know someone got their ass chewed in the locker room after this one. Colts win. And shoutout to Cuban Link Carlie! Sup?
Ben Johnson is sick of the media in Chicago already and when being asked about Dan Campbell running the score up on him and going for it on fourth down, Ben Johnson channeled his inner Jamaal Williams and said, “If you piss like a puppy, stay on the porch and let the big dogs eat”! Real recognize real. The Lions bounced back in Week 2 and waxed the Bears while they put up 52 and the “Sun God” Amon-Ra scores a big 35.7 FF pts.
The Bills, Rams, Seahawks, and Ravens all roll in Week 2. Light work for the Bills and James Cook having an RB1 season for La Llama Roja. What would Canelo think? Probably not too worried about beating up on the lesser opponents. Tuck that chin and start swinging if you want to fight from the ropes.
Rough showing from the Dolphins. McGenius looks like he is on his way out the door. The Titans and Jets are no shows this season so far and the Panthers showed a little fight but it doesn’t look like they will make much noise as we thought they might,
Oh, but the Niners! 2-0 with or without their starters. Walk up into New Orleans with the etiquette of San Francisco yelling…
Matchup of the Week
OH DAHHHDI! 🚒Those biceps are poppin’! Who would’ve seen Baker Mayfield, Chuba Hubbard, Mike Evans, Travis Kelce, (and even Keenan Allen from the bench) putting up a near 150 point performance. This team is about 6 months away from being old and retired. Travis Etienne Jr. is supposed to have been a dud and a bust! Nope, nearly 100 all purpose yards and 1 TD. Jonathan Taylor was supposed to have died with Coach Benji’s hopes and dreams. Nope, 215 all purpose yards and 1 TD. Ravens Defense with 15 and Brandon Aubrey adding 24.5 FF points in Week 2. The Dahdi’s were always going to win this one and they get high point for the Matchup of the Week!
Spread Eagles have an AJ Brown problem! The birds win dirty and one tush push at a time and that is just not good for FF production. Wil Lutz is not a kicker that was heavily scouted in the off season and only gets 3.0 FF points on the board in Week 2. Josh Allen had a slow FF game this week, but that will be few and far between this year. The Spread Eagles should be just fine, barring any injuries to the starters as the bench is looking light and the Travis Hunter experiment is likely over after this week. Running into the Chief 🔥🚒 in Week 2 is rough and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Top FF Skill Players After Week 2
〰️
Top FF Skill Players After Week 2 〰️
Quarterbacks:
5. Justin Herbert (LAC)
4. Patrick Mahomes (KC)
3. Josh Allen (BUF)
2. Daniel Jones (IND)
1. Lamar Jackson (BAL)
Running Backs:
5. Christian McCaffrey (SF)
4. Jonathan Taylor (IND)
3. Javonte Williams (DAL)
2. Bijan Robinson (ATL)
1. James Cook (BUF)
Wide Receivers:
5. Quentin Johnston (LAC)
4. Rome Odunze (CHI)
3. Amon-Ra St. Brown (DET)
2. Puka Nacua (LA)
1. Malik Nabers (NY)
Top Rookies of the Week
Highest scoring FF rookie QB, RB, and WR/TE of the week.
Cam Ward - 9.8 points
Bhayshul Tuten - 14.4 points
Tetairoa McMillan - 14.0 points
Have You Seen Me?
Players in the FF starting lineups who did not perform this week.
Zach Charbonnet - 1.0 points
Courtland Sutton - 1.1 points
Mark Andrews - 0.9 points
WHY HE DO THAT? OF THE WEEK
〰️
WHY HE DO THAT? OF THE WEEK 〰️
James Hudson of the NY Giants tries a crazy new move on the Cowboys edge rush. Why he do that?!
Overreaction of the Week
The Tush Push suuuuuucks. I used to be neutral on it—if a team beats you running legal plays, that’s football. Tough shit. But this isn’t just a play anymore; it’s an anomaly that the league has implicitly accepted. Maybe that was always the case, but over time we’ve realized how it bends the rules. The offense false starts, the defense lines up in the neutral zone, and refs just let it go. After Week 2, it’s clear: the Tush Push either needs to be banned or officiated like every other play. Call it my old-man take, but it kills game flow and watchability. Eagles vs. Chiefs should have been the game of the week—instead, it turned into clock management and slog football. But the Eagles won the fucking game, so shut yo ass up, Chris Jones. But this isn’t soccer—we’re not here for a 1-0 lead and a possession drill until the final whistle. My overreaction is that this is why the Eagles won’t repeat this year. A hungry dog runs faster and the Eagles are just protecting their food.
Around the horn:
The Packers are going to be hard to beat this year and my overreaction is to actually underreact and chalk it up to Week 1 being a dummy week and Week 2 is a short TNF week. Let’s see how they look after they get to the meat of their schedule in October and November. The NFC West is looking a lot better than people thought. The Rams look good with Devante Adams. I figured he was too old and changed teams too much to maintain any accountability. And Blake Corum is trying to work his way into the lineup. Should we just give up on trying to make Blake Corum a thing?
I still have hope in the Patriots. I still have no hope in Rodgers and the Steelers. Good for George Pickens for taking his talents away from that toxicity and the conspiracy theories. But to be fair, George Pickens might be proof that vaccinations cause autism.
Jayden Daniels may be hurt and they need a big bounce back game. JJ McCarthy is hurt but that might actually help the Vikings. What’s up with Brian Thomas Jr.? What’s the level of concern with Marvin Harrison Jr.? Is it a Jr. problem? Kyle Pitts Sr. is looking a lot better. It’s definitely the more mature title. Speaking of mature - delete your browser history and cookies after Bowman gets on an Angela White rant. The algo about the start throwing some white hairs at you from all the wrong areas.
MNF
You all know Baker is my boy. Busting his ass and mother fucking CJ Gardener-Johnson to his face. Baker is everything that I will never be. Starting 2-0 for the fourth straight year is good news so let’s hope they stay healthy and they can get Mike Evans another ring.
The Raiders are like that guy at the bar who keeps talking about how athletic he is, but “no he can’t do it today because he did legs yesterday and is still pretty tight”. Sure, bro—back in the 70s you mattered. Since then? Just embarrassing. “Commitment to Excellence”? More like commitment to being the NFL’s donation. Oakland didn’t want them, LA didn’t want them, and now Vegas is stuck with the loudest fanbase cheering for the worst product. The only consistent thing about this franchise is losing and bad haircuts.
Around Dubtown:
Imagine you are down to MNF and you just need 15 points… but its the RAIDERS rookie RB to get you a FF win. Port my Ashton Jeanty is locked up they won’t let him out! 🎵 Never, and I mean NEVER rely on the Raiders to get you a win. That’s the advice that I gave to Coach Benji with his Empty Backfield on relying on the Browns RBs to get a win. $22 for a third stringer? Yeah sure, keep telling yourself that was a good move.
I don’t know about you, but personally I am SO excited that we get another year of Chris Lowe missing the playoffs and then acting like some force majeure blocked him from getting in. Kyle Pitts Sr. and Justin Fields aint gonna cut it, buddy. See you in the consolation bracket along with La Llama Roja. Yeah, that’s right. 2-0 for Big Red just means that it’s going to hurt more when he fumbles the bag by Week 7. B1G C*CK BROCK is moving to 2-0 in familiar territory for Kirby. No notes here, we have seen this movie before.
Hammer C0cks… YIKES! Ken You Dig It? DOUBLE YIKES! Starting 0-2 isn’t the kiss of death but you might as well kiss the ring, cuz Swag Dahdi is looking to repeat and start a little group of Dahdi’s Caddies. It kind of sounds like a shitty name from Diddy’s MTV Making the Band. Move the couch and force these dudes to fist fight in the living room and then walk to Brooklyn to get some cheesecake. Or at least walk to Hooters to get some Dahdi some chicken wings. Dahdi to repeat as Champ and Skippy to repeat as Dahdi’s Caddie. Mark it down.