WAKE UP!

Wake up to watch some London football where Justin Fields is NOT getting benched! But the Jets are also NOT going to run any plays before the end of the half! Rico Dowdle gets welcomed to the big DAWG’s club, George Pickens is holding the ball out in the defenders face, and Jaxon Smith-Njigba is the truth! It doesn’t matter who Ja’Marr Chase has in at Quarterback, he is going to find the endzone and he still goes for 10 catches even with a new teammate in Joe Flacco. Josh Jacobs said he was throwing up before, during, and after the game but somehow still gets 23 total touches and TD by the end of the game.

Rico Dowdle had 239 yards from scrimmage this week and 234 yards last week. He is now the sixth RB in the Super Bowl era to have 225+ yards and 1 TD in consecutive weeks. He also broke the Panthers single game record held by Christian McCaffrey. Who fumbled the bag more? Dallas for letting Dowdle go? Or Swag Dahdi for dropping him one week too early?

Baker Mayfield is the MVP! 3rd and 14 with a sack incoming and then another sack incoming and then somehow it’s a first down! The Bucs are banged up and lose Egbuka for weeks with a hamstring. None of the injuries mattered for the Bucs as Baker shuts down any attempt at a comeback and win the game to move to 5-1. Kendrick Bourne ripping off 140+ yards with Mac Jones going over 345 yards does not tell the story of the Bucs-Niners game as the 49ers O-Line couldn’t run block to make a hole for the best RB in the league.

The exciting whites in NY are rolling hot and take down the defending Super Bowl Champions on Thursday Night Football. Jaxson Dart is in the blue medical tent with CTE and Russell Wilson is booed off the field after one third-down pass. Cam Skattebo and Jaxson Dart are taking the league by storm and running head first into a neurological disaster later in life.

The Seahawks defense is KILLER! 33 pressures and 7 sacks on a pretty good Jaguars offense is insane! 4 games of over 100 yards for JSN with a fifth game of 96 yards and 79 yards as his worst game on the year. The Seahawks are flying high in the PNW!

Week 6 BUMMERS

Justin Fields was possibly the biggest bust of the week with negative net passing yards on the day while being sacked 9 times by the Broncos. Kenny Dub III no-showed Week 6 with only a 33% snap share, Tony Pollard gets out touched by Tyjae Spears as well, and it was the Lions worst offensive game of the year all around. Quinshon Judkins came back down to Earth and the Browns get spanked by the Steelers in Pittsburgh, where it may be time to look at Shaduer Sanders to save the franchise.

23% of all missed extra point attempts this year have come from Harrison Butker. Time to learn to speak XFL, buddy.

Puka Nacua - OUT! Emeka Egbuka - OUT! Marvin Harrison Jr. - OUT! Fred Warner - OUT! Garrett Wilson - OUT! Jauan Jennings - 5 broken ribs, two ankle sprains, and a shoulder injury! Anthony Richardson - injured during a Richard Simmons style warm up drill. Charvarius Mooney Ward - KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

Some very notable injuries so early in the year to top WR’s and RB’s:

RB’s - Conner, Bucky, Benson, Chuba, Hampton, Ekeler, Aaron Jones

WR’s - Nabers, CeeDee, Puka, Mike Evans, Ridley, Egbuka, MHJ, QJ, Pearsall, Worthy, Wilson, Godwin, Tyreek, Scary Terry

Bleach and rope are about to sell out on Amazon… Maybe try a toaster for better availability.

Matchup of the Week

B1G C0*K BROCK didn’t even need MNF to win the Week 6 matchup, but Bijan pushes Kirby into familiar territory with the high point and yet another MOTW. Bijan had an 81-yard TD, Tetairoa McMillan got his first NFL TD, and De’Von Achane had his biggest game of the year! Add in a Skatteboom and that is the explosion that you need to stay in first place. Justin Fields poses a major problem for the C0ck Brock’s though and they better hit the waiver wire for next week’s matchup with the Tax Man. Is Brock Bowers coming back? Njoku is looking to miss some time as well. But once CeeDee Lamb returns, this team is going to be stacked once again. Looking like they got the better of the Egbuka trade at this point.

La Llama Roja thanks for coming out! Bit by the Minnesota BYE bug in Week 6 and also holding on to Joe Mixon was a combo that kept this team under 100. Someone give this guy an inside tip that Joe Mixon is not going to play this year. James Cook and ARSB with slow weeks, but that won’t last long and this team will be back over the 100 mark very soon.

TOILET BOWL

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TOILET BOWL 〰️

Worst Matchup of the Week

A special shoutout to Pearsall My Holes for the absolute dirtiest and most disgusting win of the year. The type of win that will come back around in the playoff push. Spread Eagles and Pearsall My Holes combine for a little over 145 points which is still 15 shy of B1G C0*K BROCK in Week 6.

Top Rookies of the Week

Highest scoring FF rookie QB, RB, and WR/TE of the week.

Have You Seen Me?

Players in the FF starting lineups who did not perform this week.

GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK

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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️

Kareem Hunt trucks Rock Ya-Sin! Gets my dick hard!

WHY HE DO THAT? OF THE WEEK

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WHY HE DO THAT? OF THE WEEK 〰️

Brian Branch throws hands at JuJu Smith-Schuster after he felt like he was being bullied! WHY HE DO THAT?

Overreaction of the Week

The Raiders have a 4% chance to make the playoffs this year. After 6 weeks.

4%

Moving on… The NFC is the very obvious power Conference this year in the NFL. The Seahawks, Cowboys, and Rams at the middle of the pack in the NFC is interesting and they would be all be top of the list in the AFC potentially. I hate the Cowboys more than the next guy, but I would think that they are a good bet to make the Playoffs this year. Sorry to the AFC, but Pittsburgh just doesn’t scare me. The Chargers don’t scare me. The Patriots don’t scare me.

Ladd McConkey and Brian Thomas Jr. are back, baby! Travis Kelce might be back too. Blink twice if she is holding you hostage, Travis! Deebo and Devante Adams may have never fallen off, but I definitely didn’t think that they would both be top 15 to start the year. Having a Taco Bell in your house is only cool if you can back it up. And I don’t mean backing up the toilet bowl! Tyler Warren is looking like the real deal this season and could be OROTY? But the real story is Darren Waller! Talk about who’s back this year. I thought that his R&B, heart-break, beach walking, WNBA hating music video was the end of this dude. I guess it makes sense, it seems like you gotta have a lot of confidence to have a neck tattoo. I wouldn’t know.

Around Dubtown:

For Kyren Out Loud has the DRAFT PICK OF THE YEAR to this point in the season by taking Patrick Mahomes with the 11th pick of the 8th round of the Dubtown FF draft. Mahomes currently has the most FF points in the League through 6 weeks!

But that’s just about the only thing that this guy has done well in the last four years. And before you say “What have you done in this league, Ken?" - Porta Potty Flores’ average finishing position in Dubtown FF is 7th and my average position is 6th. So, just save it, okay. Playoff appearances? 4 for Fairy Boy and 5 for me. But sure, he got his Championship in 2021 - with the third lowest points against in the league. Mickey Mouse, walk in the park, no adversity having ass boy. Something stinks, and I think I know what it is. It smells like consistency! Last year: the least points against in the league and still finished at the bottom. This year: the least points against in the league.

What else? Overall record in Dubtown FF? Yep, you guessed it. I’ve got Traynor on that one as well. Average points per matchup? Go ahead… guess who averages more. Ahh okay okay, I’ll just tell ya… That’s also me!

Put up a fight, chicken shit! I found out that Traynor labeled his jet ski photoshop “knockout.JPG”. This guy couldn’t fight his was out of a paper bag. Let Bowman show him how to put his hands up and how to slip a jab. I mean Dahdi could at least show him the walls of Jericho, we know he’d like that wouldn’t he!

But, I digress. Traynor is the nice guy of the league. He plays the middle very well. Never too high, never too low. Plays it off as if nothing matters. Kind of aloof, kind of a nihilist. It’s cute and we all respect it. A Latino named Traynor? Very culturally diverse!

But let me speak directly to Traynor: don’t EVER! DON’T EVER bring my foreign beach women into the conversation or I’ll Will Smith pimp slap that mustache off your face so quick that you will think there were two of me. See you in Week 11, needle dick!

Week 6