THE HOUSE THAT ALLEN BUILT

Josh Allen Is the 1st Player in NFL History With 5+ TD Passes & 4+ Rush TD’s in the 1st 2 Games of a season. The new stadium in Buffalo gets christened with James Cook and Dalton Kincaid playing support roles for Josh Allen to put Jared Goff and Amon-Ra St. Brown through a plastic folding table. With 326/4/68%, you would think that Jared Goff would play his team into a win, but you gotta do better than that when going up against the MVP front runner. Buffalo is looking just good enough to lose in the AFC Championship game this year! 72 total points on TNF is a lot more impressive than we will likely get out of the Falcons next week, so let’s not OVERREACT to TNF games.

The Raiders are 2-0! This is not a drill, it is not April Fool’s Day - the Raiders are actually 2-0! Kirk Cousins is getting his money’s worth and earning those 3×3 In-N-Out cheeseburgers. Hold the onions though because there is a 50/50 chance that Kirk Cousins is a vampire. Or is that garlic? Who cares when you’re winning! Before we start to call this bluff, let’s not forget that the Raiders own the third largest point differential after two weeks and only behind the Seahawks and the 49ers. Two NFC West teams and two teams who have won in America. Brock Purdy in his first 50 career games is 1st in completion percentage, 2nd in rating, and 3rd in yards per attempt.

Ja’Marr Chase is in a league of his own, JSN is putting DB’s on roller skates, and Davante Adams is turning back the clocks! 2 FF players with 40+ this week and 4 FF players with 30+ this week! You’d think we had a repeat of last week scoring-wise, but that was not the whole story.

Week 1 Bummers

The Colts “defer” the kick off in OT against the Chiefs, but you can’t defer to a second half in OT because there is no second half. The Chicago Bears were supposed to set the scoring record like their coach said, but got bitch made by the Vikings while scoring 3 points and even controlling most of the game at home. The Chargers are making mistake after mistake and playing musical chairs with their offensive line. The Harbaugh/McDaniel step brothers charade was fun in the offseason, but it seems a bit fucked up now.

Hospital Center:

Caleb Williams is week-to-week with a case of puss-itis or did he pull a Paul Pierce and just need to find the nearest restroom?
Dallas Goedert is going out for a few weeks and Zach Ertz is off the couch and on the practice squad.
Alec Pierce isn’t going to have surgery but Darius Slayton is in the building and coming for the WR1 spot.
Jayden Daniels almost loses his arm completely. Try hitting the gym, mama’s boy!
Jaxson Dart has his leg run into on MNF and it looks like a knee tear. My bingo card for Dart to be injured this year had he and Skattebo playing chicken with Steve-O and Knoxville in a bull ring.
Jayden Reed exited on a stretcher… that’s never good. Keep your head on a swivel young fella.
David Njoku is out for a few weeks while he remembers how to catch the football.
Demarcus Robinson has a high ankle sprain and is another 49IR who is hitting the shelf.

Matchup of the Week

Tuten N Bootin’ - 119.78

Tuten is producing! And so are Brock Purdy and Amon-Ra St. Brown. 60 points out of two players should be enough to get any team a win in this league! 90% accuracy rate is just on another level from Brock Purdy even if it is against the Dolphins. Tuten N Bootin’ was feeling left out last week and vowed to bring more to the scorecard this week. Even off the bench we saw some heat with TreVeyon Henderson ripping off a big TD run. With Rhamondre constantly in the dog house and Vrabel needing to stay out of the dog house, Hendo is going to get some play. Ba-lee-dat! Tuten N Bootin’ with a RARE MOTW. Good on you Tax Man! Teach me how to secure a win after a big TNF performances.

Zero Gibbs Given - 107.08

The curse of the kicker bites Commish in the balls. Half of a point out of the Dicker the Kicker, 1.9 out of QJ, and 2.9 out of Tucker Kraft is rotten milk on an otherwise perfect good sugary Capt’n Crunch cereal. Cutting kicking stats in half? Why not keep it PAT 1 point and all FG 3 points? Regardless, it wasn’t going to be enough this week for Zero Gibbs Given but the comeback bid was respectable. Davante Adams nearly puts up his career high at almost 200 yds, but Jon Harbaugh had to go and ruin the comeback party by inserting Najee Harris to run into the chest of Aaron Donald! Boneheaded coaching decision not to run Skattebo on that one, Jonny. An 0-2 hole is NOT where you wanna be when you see Swag Dahdi in Week 3 and the comeback story is going to need to continue. Oh well, none of this shit matters anyway and we will all be fighting for the sixth seed.

Bowman Breaks It Down

x

Bowman Breaks It Down x

Madden style play break down from Swag Dahdi.

Get to the OL heels, reset the line of scrimmage! Penetration is the enemy of any play on a whiteboard!

Top Rookies of the Week

Highest scoring FF rookie QB, RB, and WR/TE of the week.

QB:

No rookie QB’s this week.

RB:

WR/TE:

Bad Starts of the Week

Players in the FF starting lineups who did not perform this week.

VIEJO ROJO

Zero Gibbs Given

Maye God Have Mercy

GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK

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GETS MY DICK HARD OF THE WEEK 〰️

Ja’Marr Chase with the acrobatic TD catch but then he hits the laying my dick on the table celly? Is that what I saw? You know that GMD!

IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS SHIT OF THE WEEK

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IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS SHIT OF THE WEEK 〰️

Cam Skattebo let’s the drip hit the back of his throat like he’s in a Cabo men’s room stall and starts having Arizona State flashbacks. Is anyone else seeing this shit?

Overreaction of the Week

Before we overreact, it might be important to remember that the Colts were 8-2 last year and missed the playoffs. The Bucs were 6-2, missed playoffs. Saints were SB champs after Week 2 in 2024. The 2023 Eagles were 10-1, and then lose 5 out of 6 to end the year. It’s easy to crown Buffalo, San Francisco, Philadelphia, or Kansas City after two weeks - especially because they have been in Conference Championship games recently - but it’s going to come down to consistency. And vice versa for Houston, Los Angeles, and Tampa Bay. We all know the statistics of starting 0-2 and making the playoffs, but these teams need to finsih strong just like the 2-0 teams need to.

I’ll tell ya who definitely aint gonna fucking do it this year though... Aaron Rodgers and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Decent defense but DK and Aaron can’t keep blaming the coaches or some dude wearing a wig in the crowd. I have an imaginary family too, pal. I like to think I am one of Ed McCaffrey’s sons. The difference is that I don’t tell it to the world.

I would not have thought that David Montgomery was going to be a low producer this week, nor did I think ETN was going to come out so slow like this in his 5th year and in his hometown.

On the flip side, it’s possible that we look back and JSN should have been the #1 overall pick this year. Even with Gibbs kicking ass and Robinson doing alright. Admittedly, I wasn’t going to touch KWIII with a 10-foot pole and I thought Chuba Hubbard would be out of the league by now. Let’s just see who can stay healthy, that’s usually what matters the most.

Around Dubtown:

The eight rules of Dubtown Fantasy Football:

You do not talk about Dubtown Fantasy Football.
You do NOT talk about Dubtown Fantasy Football.
If someone yells “stop!”, goes limp, or taps out, the matchup is over.
Only two guys to a matchup.
Only one matchup at a time.
You do not celebrate victory after Thursday Night Football.
Fuck Chris Lowe.
You must show up in person for the draft.

Some Dubtown league managers need to be reminded of the rules. Most recently rule #6 and we don’t care if you are in or out of the country or if you’re in a beach house on a bender.

There are now three teams at 2-0 and three teams at 0-2. Two of the Week 3 matchups will feature one from each end of the standings and there can be some big playoff implications already in Week 3. Swag Dahdi v. Zero Gibbs Given & Blitz All Night v. CookinProxys.

So far, the point differential doesn’t really tell the full story. Minus two of the 0-2 teams, it’s a bit scattered across the board. The Blitz All Night Crew may be the one team benefitting from some easy matchups. You can take the rest of my blogging as BS and that’s fair, but these here are just the numbers and I can’t make that up. Sorry, Squid but you should know that Kent State and Howard are just warm up games before the season really gets started.

Week 2 in the books!

Week 2